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Choice and Hope

I could have stayed on the couch, carried on the way I was. I could have lived the rest of my life stressed out, pissed off, crying on the floor, drinking every night, praying for a way out while refusing to walk toward the door... ⁣ I could see my future. One day I would have to sit down with my daughter. I would probably sob as I tried to speak, apologizing to her over & over again for the kind of mom I’d been, for the ways I’d failed her & telling her how her daddy’s death broke me. That I just couldn’t find a way to pick up the pieces. ⁣ But what kind of example would I be setting? If THAT conversation was my future? When my child’s soul is one day crushed by this world... Was I actually okay showing her that it’s okay to give up & call it quits because “life is too hard?”⁣ I KNEW I had to set a different example. I HAD to change. Not just for her... for me, for Nick, for the God who thought I was worthy enough to keep living. No matter what happened from that point on, I would do everything I could to find HOPE again & then... I would start spreading it. ⁣ Now, almost five years since that decision, I’ve created a different future... one day, I’ll sit down with my girl. And she’ll ask me, through tears, what I did when my heart was breaking. First, I’ll tell her of my mistakes. I’ll tell her that my heart was broken into a thousand tiny pieces - that I never thought I would be able to grab them up again. And then I’ll tell her of the CHOICE that I made & the HOPE that I found. ⁣ I’ll tell her of the ONE who wouldn’t let go of me. Who took every shard of my heart & is still working His magic to create a beautifully broken masterpiece in the middle of my mess. ⁣ I still had hard days. I still HAVE hard days. But I don’t let the hard days take root in my heart. In part, because I would never EVER want MY BABIES to do that to themselves. ⁣ We ALL have hard things. Are you going to let them define you? Or are you going to let them be the FUEL that makes you better? ⁣ Remember, my friend, you only live the life you put up with. ⁣ #MadeforBrave

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