NOTHING Bad Lasts Forever
Watching Austyn succumb to the anesthesia in the OR yesterday made me feel like I wanted to puke. (Also, natural momma instinct I think, but... I might have REALLY wanted to punch the people who were doing their job and holding her down. #oops) After I left the room, as the nurse was walking me back to where Jay was waiting, she asked if I was okay. I honestly could barely open my mouth to answer. I knew if I said more than, "Yes," I would be sobbing uncontrollably and I've already done that to a couple of incredible and unsuspecting RN's in my time.
When I got back to Jay, he embraced me, but I forced him to let go quickly. There were nurses watching and waiting for us to move and I didn't want to be a burden. And, probably, I just reverted back to my old ways, I always feel like I have to be strong and I hate crying in front of practically everyone. I held onto memories of our trip to the ocean & remembered how IMPOSSIBLE a trip like that used to seem. A hope, fully redeemed.
After 45 minutes of Austyn in the OR, the doctor appeared in the waiting room. "Oh, I found them!" he nodded to the attendant at the desk who was about to call for us to meet at the front. As the doctor made his way toward us, I tried to read his face, but couldn't. My stomach did flips upon flips and I'm certain it wasn't Baby#3. These were the "I think I'm gonna be sick" kind.
hey told us Austyn's procedure would be short, but that didn't stop my heart from almost beating outside of my chest. Getting done with surgery quickly hasn't been good news in my lifetime. EVER. Every one of Nick's surgeries was hours long. The ONLY one under an hour was when they came out to tell me, with 2-month-old Austyn squirming in my arms as tears rolled down my cheeks, that there was too much cancer in my husband's abdomen... That they'd had to stitch him back up immediately because there was nothing they could do.
As the doctor gave us the GOOD news yesterday... I couldn't stop the tears from stinging the corner of my eyes. Jay held my hand and I mostly held it together as the doctor finished telling us about his findings. (#1. The tonsillectomy & adenoidectomy went as WELL as we could have ever hoped. #2. We didn't put her through an unnecessary procedure. Her tonsils were touching and super hugemongous (medical term) so he thinks that this will make a MASSIVE difference in her sleep, her breathing and HER LIFE. #3. No news is GOOD news as far as the biopsies they took go. I'm believing for NO FURTHER NEWS & that we won't be hearing from or seeing Doc again until Austyn's follow up appointment in 3 weeks!)
The SECOND the doctor was out of sight, I excused myself from the crowded waiting room and locked myself in a bathroom stall. "THANK YOU JESUS!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!" Tears streamed down my face and I'm sure the women in the bathroom wondered who the crazy was, but I didn't care. I needed to tell my CREATOR just how I felt. "THANK YOU, GOD!!"
OVERWHELMING GRATITUDE, even as we saw our sweet girl's face in recovery. She woke up a bit earlier than they anticipated, without us, even though they promised we would be there when she woke up. She was scared and I went right to her, pulling her safely into my arms, stroking her back and helping calm her enough to find she was also still in incredible pain. Another dose of pain meds and she was finally restful enough for us to start her four hours in recovery before we could go home.
Gone for 12 hours yesterday, it was LONG. But, oh how I believe it was GOOD. Last night, as we sat on the edge of our bed, getting ready to wake Austyn up for another dose of pain meds, Jay reached over and put his hand on my leg. "I know I wasn't there for all of this... for the worst nights when she was just a baby and you had to worry alone in the middle of the night, why she was struggling so much... but, I've been here for the last three years. And, I'm just so glad we might have finally found something that will help. I really think this is gonna work, babe." His eyes were filled with tears. I snuggled into his lap as my heart broke open with gratitude all over again.
This morning, the grateful tears were gone and replaced by my wanting to JUMP for JOY. Just thinking about yesterday made me throw myself a little dance party, laughing and jumping all alone in the coming baby's future nursery... I couldn't stop dancing for JOY for a solid 15 minutes!! I even posted a short clip in my IG for anyone who want to dance along with me and my super mom moves. LOL
Because y'all... As much HARD as I've shared with you online over the years... I LOVE being able to share the GOOD. Life is FULL of dark days and hard days. But its also full of good days and GREAT days. Remember, it's normal to have a mix of both.
NOTHING bad lasts forever & when you run across something worthy of a celebration, DIG IN!! DANCE IT UP!! MAKE IT KNOWN. GOOD THINGS HAPPEN!! EVEN the toughest stories can be REDEEMED!!