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This will not be the end of me.

I opened my eyes but the room was still spinning. I attempted to steady my breath. What. Just. Happened?

She’d looked me straight in the eye & told me it was back. I’d almost fainted at her words, clutching my stomach as if to protect the life inside of me from hearing reality; the truth that would banish her daddy from the face of the planet before her first birthday.

It didn’t work. I couldn’t protect her. And, nothing could have protected me from a tragedy of that magnitude. We were hit. We were struck. We went down.

& I... almost never came back up.

I almost let my hard thing be the very end of me... I almost stayed down because it seemed easier than trying to put my heart back together, scrape the blood from my skin & stand straight again.

But then I realized something...

I realized that the BEST tribute you can give to someone you loved and lost is looking back & realizing, despite the pain,

“You know what? That was so amazing... I think I’m going to try that again.”

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