Those Beautiful Eyes
Were you there when my daddy died? My six year old asked the question, but I didn’t panic. As the memories came flooding back of that night, I held on to the peace I felt instead of the panic that followed. “I was there.” My late husband’s face flashed before my eyes. “What happened? What was it like?” Her beautiful eyes that look just like my Nick’s looked at me expectantly, curiously... waiting for my answer. “Your daddy was very sick. And when he died, I held him & reminded him how much I loved him & then angels came & took him to Heaven. So he was never alone.” I always answer truthfully & give enough information, but not too much. There is only so much young children should be made to process. And, the counselors tell me she will ask more questions when she is ready to hear more answers. I remember the hour, minutes & moments leading up to Nick’s passing better than anything... They were some of the most peaceful and painful moments of my life. When he as gone, even as my heart shattered with my baby girl sleeping soundly in her crib, I felt an undeniable presence, an unexplainable peace. It was as if hands enveloped my heart, somehow holding it together as it exploded into a million tiny pieces. A bomb went off, but God didn’t let me fall apart. At least, not for a couple more hours... When I forced His hands to let go of my heart... that was when everything rushed away from me. I was in ruins for a year. Drowning. Flailing. Falling. Ready to die. Until I finally made my way back to my Creator & asked Him to pick up the pieces again, barely thinking it would be possible to put them back together & then discovering... a heart shattered & mended is stronger than a heart that has never known pain. My hope with everything in me is that by my telling my story & sharing my journey, I give at least one person out there a chance at finding the Love that holds them BEFORE running the other way. If one day, when my daughter, reads my book... I hope she’ll see. There was a presence with us back on that dark night that is leading her through every valley & to a future brighter than any she has ever seen. #MadeforBrave
